I’m thinking of a word to best explain our birth and I think
the best words to explain is our birth was “God’s perfect plan”. From the beginning of our pregnancy, I’ve
been interested with trying VBAC. It was
non-negotiable for me. I wanted to have
an informed, and gentle birth. It was my
prayer ever since. The reasons behind a
VBAC dream are 1) I want to recover faster to be able to take care of my baby
which will lead to my number 2 reason that I want to breastfeed exclusively and
longer. I think my reasons are valid so
I thought God will grant my VBAC wish.
He thought otherwise.
It was a long wait. I
was 40 weeks before I started having real contractions. Two weeks prior to this, I was 1-2cm dilated
already. I did all possible natural ways to induce my labor but it was all
Braxton Hicks the whole two weeks. I’ll post a separate entry about the
different natural ways we did to induce labor.
Jump to the birthing day, it was 1am when I woke Simon and
told him that it’s time to go to the hospital and that it’s for real
already. I knew it was time when I tried
to walk my contractions and they’re still there, when I’d twitch everytime
there’s a contraction. Since we did’nt
have a helper then, we needed to drop off simone to my husband’s parents. I contacted Velvet and we picked her up from
her house at 2am.
We arrived at St., Luke’s QC around 2:30am. I was brought to the admitting room immediately. When they did an IE, I was 3cm dilated. So I
thought to myself, “just 3cm?! with all those pains?!” lol! A few moments
after, my water bag broke. They asked me to cough and a lot of water came
out. I got a little excited and scared
at the same time. With my first
daughter, it was this time when I had lost a lot of blood, just right after the
breakage of my water bag. I kept on
asking Velvet if there was blood that went with my contractions. Luckily, it was just minimal blood.
Labor pains
When I was wheeled to the High Risk Pregnancy Unit (all
natural birth labors are brought here instead of their regular labor rooms),
Simon and Velvet were with me the whole time.
I was so blessed to have these two with me. The support they gave were
more than enough.
3cm to 4cm – I remember stopping from anything I was doing
while having a contraction but it was more manageable. First thing that Velvet reminded me was to
“drop my shoulders”. I’d easily get
tired if my shoulders are tense every contraction. Velvet would always feed me. After every contraction, she’d give me a
piece of wheat bread and let me drink water.
I was not hungry but it was needed so I have some energy for the actual
delivery.
5cm to 6cm – 2cm to 5cm, I got it in less than 5 hours. When
it reached 6cm, it was when I realized that “this one is for real. The pain is
real.” Lol! I lost my sense of shyness and embarrassment. When my husband would see my “laboring face”,
and I can see his reaction, I know he wanted me to stop all these. He wanted me to just give in to CS and get
this over with. I saw it in his
eyes. But he was just quiet, he was
there hugging me, massaging my legs, my back. When I needed them both, they
would instantly jump up even if they’re sleepy and would help me with my
pains. Having Velvet was like having a
sister, a sister who knows what to do in times of labor pains and all. Her facial expressions alone were very
encouraging, her touch was so calming, her confidence dictated a lot of
firmness in it and passing off that confidence to me really helped me a
lot. I would always ask her, “am I on
the right track? Is this okay?” and her answer will always be a resounding
“yes! You are doing great! We’re almost there”
6cm – I was 6cm for five hours. It was the longest five hours of my life. Everytime
the resident doctor would visit me and we’d request for IE, I’d get disappointed
to know that I have’nt progressed. Seriously, those pains were still 6cm?!
Thankfully, I was not losing blood but more of the water. Dr. Menefrida Reyes went inside the room when I was in the middle
of my 6cm journey and she stayed there from then on. She was very patient waiting for baby to come
down. She was supportive with my trial
labor, and was very hands on with me. On
the 4th hour of being 6cm, she informed us that she needs me to have
some progress with my labor in a hour as my water bag broke already and 4 hours
is a long wait already for zero progress.
This was when Velvet told me “now we have to do the squats. This will be
really painful but you need to do this for baby sarah to come down”. So I
expected it to be worse. Squat with every contraction?! What the heck?! I would
always see it in pictures but I never realized that those pictures came along
with labor pains. Lol. So with every contraction, I did some serious squats
with Simon holding me and supporting my back.
It was really painful but I had to endure the pain. The interval was more like 3-4 minutes
apart. The contractions are seriously
painful but tolerable. Tolerable
thinking that it will only last for a minute or so, that’s why there’s
something to look forward to. This fact
really helped me a lot during labor. That “this too shall pass” moment was also
a step closer to seeing my baby. In that
one whole hour, we did a lot of squats.
After one hour, when Dr. Reyes asked me to lie down already,
I even requested for one more squat and she let me. Before I lied down, Simon asked if we can
pray. So Velvet, I and simon held hands. Then before we started praying, Dr. Reyes
joined us in prayer. I could’nt help it
but tears just fell as we were praying.
I lifted everything to God. He
knows my desires, He knows how much I wanted this. He knows my reasons. Then my husband prayed “Let your will be done
Lord and we offer to you this birth, that we will feel your presence and favor”
Then I lied down and doctor did the IE…the moment of
truth. This is it moment, make or break,
go or no. When I looked at my doctor’s face, I can’t depict her reaction. I
don’t know if it was good or not so good news.
Then she said, “yup,still 6cm”.
She then advised me that she needs to do a repeat CS. As soon as I heard the repeat CS, tears just
fell again. I could’nt even look at my
husband thinking that I failed. All our
efforts were nothing?! I looked at Velvet and asked her “diba ginawa ko naman
lahat? Lahat naman nagawa ko na diba?” and I just kept on crying. Velvet’s
words were so comforting. “oo, ginawa mo na lahat. Andito lang kami for you.
And isipin mo makikita mo na si baby sarah mamaya lang. Good call na to ni
doctor” While velvet was saying these,
my husband was on my left, whispering comforting words as well. Everything that my husband told me was
everything I needed to hear. It was like
God talking to me. He was touched by God
to tell me the right words I needed to hear.
“Ginawa na natin lahat beh, at least di mo iisipin na kulang yung
efforts mo kasi yan na talaga yun e. hindi na natin controlled ito. May ibang
plano si Lord…makikita na natin si baby, diba gusto mo na sya mayakap?” and I
was crying the whole time. I even asked
Dr. Reyes if yun na ba talaga. She held
my hand and told me “we need to do this for baby’s safety pero you did
everything you can and more” After that, I was pacified like a baby. There was this instant sense of acceptance. I may not be able to have what I wanted so
much, I may not know yet what reasons God had to allow me another CS operation
but I know it was for the best.
So they prepped me up, on the way to the operating room, I
requested that Velvet and Simon would still be there with me. When we were inside the operating room, a lot
of medical staff were there. I was
overwhelmed. I asked my doctor why there were so many people inside and she
assured me that they would leave before the operation starts.
When they transferred me to the operating bed, it was so
small, I did’nt know if I would fit. It was shaped more like a cross, im sure
those who had an operation here would know what im talking about. The anesthesiologist came. I liked him because he was very considerate
of our birth plan and our goal to breastfeed. He informed Velvet of the
anesthesia he will administer and Velvet told him to talk to my husband but
Velvet explained that we want to breastfeed so we prefer a drug that will have
the minimum interference on our baby and our breastfeeding.
I heard my baby’s cry
at 2:10 pm, they immediately wiped her but since it was stated in my birth plan
to properly time the cord-cutting, they waited for five minutes before the
clamped and cut Sarah’s cord. Everyone
was saying she’s so big. Haha. After a few minutes, they placed Sarah on my
chest to abide with the Unang Yakap Protocol.
The nurse patiently waited so Sarah can latch. Took us about twenty
minutes before she finally sucked and it felt sooo magical. J It was such a
wonderful feeling that she was latching and trying to suck. Birthing and
breastfeeding is such an amazing work of God.
I’m amazed at how our body and the baby communicate and interact with
each other.
So did I have the birth I wanted and prayed for? Maybe I would
still hope I’d have a successful VBAC again should we be blessed with another
baby but as for the goals and reasons why we wanted to have VBAC, I think God
favored it and more. It was the gentle birth
we prayed for and now I have a faster and better recovery, successful first
month of exclusive breastfeeding, all because we had a gentle birth, informed
decisions and choices as parents and a mother. :)
PS. Why my emergency CS was a good call???
1. Our baby pooped inside already and we only found out when they opened me up.
2. I have a myoma that grew 4 times throughout my pregnancy so my doctor took it out when she saw it -- an instant myoma removal :)
3. My baby is 8.6lbs. My doctor said that even if i dilated to 10cm, with a baby that big, she might get stuck during the final phase which can cause more trouble.
so yeah, it was really a good call. Thank you Lor.
